


Since We Were Eighteen (UNFINISHED/ABANDONED)

by omgyouatetheprincess



Category: Cartoon Therapy (Web Series), Sanders Shorts, Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: College Friends, Human AU, M/M, Prinxiety - Freeform, human! sides, lgbtq+, logicality - Freeform, non-binary! Emile, remile - Freeform, unsympathetic! Janus, villain! Janus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24334261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omgyouatetheprincess/pseuds/omgyouatetheprincess
Summary: How do I even begin to describe Roman? His ego is higher than the empire state, his school-yard taunts aren't even that creative and to top it all off he's too attractive for his own good.Why did I have to fall for an asshole like him?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

Virgil

I pull up in front of ' _Patton Cakes_ ' and as I shut my engine off, I pull out my phone: it is 10:45 and another fifteen minutes until we are supposed to all be meeting inside. Every Saturday, our friendship group meets in a local cafe, which is owned by Patton and his boyfriend. Patton was always the nicest of the group and like the dad - he never saw us as his friends, always his sons instead. Well, except for Logan, obviously.

I notice Roman in his car, also staring at his phone, and I want to get out and say hi to him, but I just can't decide if that would be weird or not, considering we're just about to meet up anyway. While considering my options, he looks over at me and smiles, then gets out of his car and walks towards me. I scramble out my car and meet him half-way, awkwardly moving my hand in what I hope is a wave.

"Halloween isn't until another two weeks, what's with the goth costume?" He smirks, looking very proud of himself then dramatically covers his mouth with his hand like he's just offended me, but I've become immune to his insults. "Oop! I forgot - you're just emo." I shrug. It's too early in the morning to care.

"Let me guess, you've already got your Prince costume planned out, for the fifth year in a row." I quip, returning a sarcastic smile. Roman is the most dramatic one in our group, though I guess that's good since he's an actor. His biggest role was a prince in Into The Woods, so we all call him Princey, which he loves. His family is actually distantly royal, which means jack-all to the rest of us but bragging rights to him. 

He looks like he's about to say something when loud music coming from his car causes us both, and many other people in the parking lot, to stare. Roman's twin brother was blasting 'Blue' from the Heathers, and the former just shakes his head and sighs. 

"I'll be right back..." He mumbles and rushes to deal with his brother, something he often had to do. I didn't envy him for having a brother and it often made me glad I was an only child.

Our tight-knit group has always been the seven of us since college and ever since we graduated five years ago, we've always kept in touch and met up every Saturday here. About two years after we graduated, Roman introduced his twin brother, Remus, to the group. We all knew him, but only saw him if we were around Roman's place. He went to a different college, so having him in the group is a little weird, but I seem to be the only one who has this concern.

He gave himself the nickname of The Duke because of Roman's name, which prompted us to refer to him as our Dukey Problem. He was actually very different from his brother and not just in personality. His hair was much bushier with a grey streak and he wore a handlebar moustache, even though it just made him look like a 70's pornstar. While Roman wore bold colours like white and red, Remus preferred black and greens - his logic was that the weirder, the better. An inside joke we have is that the Prince is Fancy Mario and the Duke is Evil Luigi.

Remus was also a good singer - all of us were actually, though speaking modestly I don't like performing in front of others. He had a YouTube channel he made in high school where he made parodies of popular songs and his most famous video was a cover of Randy Newman's Friend in Me called Fiend In Me... Disturbing doesn't even cover his content.

Finally, Roman controls his brother and they both walk towards me. Princey gestures towards the entrance. "Shall we?"

Once everyone else has arrived and settled down, Patton flips the ' _We are open!'_ sign. That's the routine: we all show up and we have one hour when Patton closes the cafe to catch up and talk. I glance around to do a mental roll call - Thomas, Roman, Remus, Emile, Remy, Logan, Patton and of course me. Thomas is the one who brought us all together, and the story is actually kind of amusing.

Most of us were already college roommates, like Logan and Emile or Roman and Thomas so we knew each other a tiny bit, but what really triggered a friendship was when we all auditioned for Thomas' college production of a genderbent version of Six The Musical (well, I was just the tech nerd with Logan for extra-curricular credits). Patton's roommate George was Catherine of Aragon, Roman was Anne Boleyn, Patton was Jane Seymour, Remy was Anne of Cleaves, Emile played Kathrine Howard and Thomas was Catherine Parr.

Everytime we finished rehearsals, we all went to a small, local bakery nearby to just hang out and laugh about mistakes we made (I hated mine being pointed out, but Roman singing 'He doesn't wanna hang you, somebody bang you!' always made me feel better). Eventually, we formed an unbreakable bond and became inseparable. Emile and Remy started dating only three weeks after we all met and then Patton and Logan about a year after. 

George moved to New York City to pursue his career on Broadway (you may know him as Michael Mell in Be More Chill) and talk to us less, but he's still our pal. When the bakery we all met up at closed, we were all so devastated because we had made so many memories there, so Patton bought it and turned it into, you know it, Patton Cakes with a built-in library and bookshop, run by Logan. We are, as Papa Pat calls it, a famILY.

"What about you, Finding Emo?" I cringe at the nickname and look up at Roman. "How's your career going?"

Ah, yes. My career. The one I don't have. I'm devoted to art - I love to draw, sketch, paint, anything to express myself. Unfortunately, it doesn't exactly pay the bills, so Thomas sometimes pays me to be in his YouTube videos, which is technically his job. If I'm really low on cash, I'll help out at Patton Cakes because they don't mind and often need an extra pair of hands because of how busy it gets.

"Fine?" I look down at my coffee cup in embarrassment, swishing around the remaining contents before downing the now-cold beverage. I've never been a big fan of coffee, unlike Remy. "I just got paid $500 for one of my paintings..." It was a painting I made directly after I had an anxiety attack - it was a black pair of lungs wrapped in a tight red ribbon with words like 'panic' and 'paranoia' scribbled on. I'm actually shocked someone likes my garbage.

They are all still looking at me curiously. "You've been really quiet today, Virge." Patton adjusts his glasses and cocks his head in concern. "Everything alright, Kiddo?"

I mean, aren't I usually quiet? "Just tired, you know?" I squirm uncomfortably, not used to having the attention on me, and try to direct their attention onto someone new. "What about you, Remus. How's the zoo?"

Remus begins going on about how a pygmy hippo has been having diarrhoea, which isn't exactly what I want to hear at eleven in the morning while I'm eating Patton's iconic chocolate muffins, but at least they aren't looking at me. Surprisingly, Remus is incredible with animals and is the head zookeeper at the local zoo.

We've (and by we, I mean all of them, excluding me who was being anti-social as usual) been talking for about an hour, and since our time is almost over, we are getting ready to leave. Emile stands up. "G-guys? I have something I need to get off my chest..." He says uncharacteristically scared. 

"Is it your shirt? Don't do that in public or you'll get a warning from the coppers, I learnt that the hard way!" Remus smiles proudly. He has a tendency to say the most random things at the most inconvenient times. I see Roman grimacing and I almost feel bad for him.

Remy rests a hand on Emile's shoulder and nods. "Don't worry, love, it'll be fine."

The doctor sighs and weakly smiles. "After so long of questioning my identity and hiding in a dark, dark closet, I've finally decided to tell you guys something really important... I'm..." The closet? We already knew he was gay - his boyfriend was holding his hand at this very moment. "I'm non-binary. It has taken too long for me to accept myself and I hope you guys can too."

We all stare in shock. Okay, none of us had anticipated this. A tear falls down his, no, their cheek and Patton, Thomas and Remy rush to embrace them.

"Of course we accept you, Emile. We all know how scary it is to come out. Just to be clear, they/them pronouns, right?" Logan pats their shoulder in acceptance and they nod.

Getting up and moving towards them, I give a weak smile. "We support you, Em, and will always be here for you no matter what." I put a hand to my heart to emphasise my compassion towards them, and they open their arms to hug me. Embracing them, I whisper so only they can hear. "And if anyone ever purposely misgenders you is a dick towards you, just tell me and I will beat them up."

This got a laugh out of them as they wiped their tears. "Thanks, Virgil. I can't really tell if you're joking or not, but it's nice to know someone has my back." Emile is red and wipes their eyes under their glasses. This moment was perfect and wholesome... Until Remus opened his mouth.

Remus starts doing his own laugh where it's like he's just been just told the funniest, dirtiest joke. Everytime we hear that laugh, we automatically know something disturbing is coming. "So... If you aren't technically gay since you aren't a man-loving man, I guess you could say you're..."

"Remus, I beg you to be quiet for once in your life." Roman desperately tries to shut his brother up but as usual to no avail. We all hold our breath and pray that his lack of filter doesn't make a dick move.

"... An enby getting D."

We all look at Emile for their reaction and at first they go sort of pink. Then they begin laughing. Like a lot. Remy joins in too and we thank the Gods we didn't have to beat him up. I have to admit, that one was pretty clever, even if it was slightly vulgar. Patton and I start to clear up the dishes and head out to the parking lot, where everyone else has gone.

Being the most affectionate one of the group, Patton hugs everyone as others wrap certain conversations up, like congratulating Thomas on getting three million subscribers.

When we're all finished, Roman opens the car door for Remus. "Same time next week?"

I don't know why anyone says that anymore. It's always the same time every week, and if the cafe is too busy to close, then it's just rescheduled. We all say goodbye and the rest of us depart. I drive to work, which is technically my apartment, and turn on the radio. Wonderboy by Tenacious D starts to play and my mind wanders to a certain royal thespian I know, since he loves this song.

Emile's coming out has had me thinking. Everyone in our group likes guys, but not all of us are out... I haven't told anyone I'm gay, though they all suspect I am. I know I can come out to them and that they'd all accept me, so what's holding me back?

Oh that's right.

The fact that I may or may not have a tiny, little, massive crush on Prince Roman Kingsley.


	2. heart of stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Music often calms me, so it isn't usual when I associate certain songs with people or even memories

Virgil

As soon as I get to my apartment, I make myself a cup of coffee. Again, I've never been a huge fan but I barely got any sleep last night - I was working on an art piece that I'd been struggling on and by the time I finally finished, it was already 5AM. It's not exactly healthy, but at least I could make some cash out of it. I love art and I wouldn't trade my artistic abilities for the world, but sometimes I just wondered if I was making the right choice in my career.

As soon as I get back to my two-room apartment, I make myself a cup of coffee. Again, I've never been a fan (unlike Remy), especially since caffeine and anxiety don't mix well, but I need a pick-me-up as soon as possible. I was really struggling with a painting last night and by the time I finished it, it was about five in the morning. Sure, it wasn't the healthiest thing to do but I need to start selling more of my artwork. I love art and wouldn't trade my artistic abilities for the world, but sometimes I question if my career was the right choice.

My mother says I have potential and that I could be so much more if I only applied myself, but I've always been paranoid that I'm not good enough in her eyes. LIke she wanted another child so our family wouldn't have to end with a failure like me. My dad offered me a job at his business once I left college, but being an editor wasn't in my interests. The only writing I enjoy is poetry, but not many poets publish novels.

Here's a haiku I just came up with:

_My coffee's bitter_

_But I am so sleep deprived_

_And an anxious mess._

  
  


Maybe it was a good idea I didn't work with my dad.

I sink into my black couch and rest my head in my hands, my mind wandering to the same cocky, irresistible prince I've been thinking about since we were eighteen. To this day, it still confuses me how I fell for him: we were like Draco and Harry, always arguing and at each other's throats. He would always come up with dumb nicknames and insult me, which resulted in me retaliating like a child in equally dumb ways.

On my speaker, I shuffle my playlist I listen to when I think about Princey. Perhaps it's a little queer that I have a playlist specifically for him, but I often find that When Words Fail (Patton would love the puns I make to myself), arts like painting and music are a good substitute. Heart of Stone from Six is the first song to play and I smile. This song holds a special place in my heart, and will never forget what it means to me.

* * *

"See ya, kiddo!"

"I shall see you tomorrow, Virgil. Have a good evening."

I mumbled a quick 'goodbye' to everyone as they left. I liked to stay back for a while after everyone left rehearsals, just to be by myself for a bit. Besides, my mom was still at work and I preferred to not be around while my parents fought. My favourite spot was up where they controlled the lights near the front of the balcony because I got a good view of the stage and could remain concealed.

I chuckle lightly to myself as I remember Roman singing Patton's song for the third time. The best part was that he didn't even know he was doing it, he just loves the song so much. He seriously could have done a one-man performance. Eventually, Thomas sent Roman to the campus cafe to pick up some treats for us because that was the only way he could get Roman to stop singing when it wasn't his song.

"You've got a good heart, but I know it changes..."

My head shoots up and there, lo and behold on the stage is Roman himself. He's good at sneaking, I'll give him that. He looks around, most likely looking to make sure he's alone and I duck into the shadows so he can't see me. Once he's confident he's alone, he continues singing.

"When the fire's burnt, when the wind has blown, when the water's dried, you'll still find stone... My heart of stone."

And boy, does he sing.

"And no, it isn't fair but I don't care 'cause my love will still be here..."

Every word is filled with so much emotion, you would think he actually married King Henry VIII and had a son with him. The way his eyes close like he's in a trance makes him look so calm, and I want to leave to give him so privacy, but I'm mesmerised by him like a sailor to a siren. He takes a slow breath before his voice softens.

"Soon I'll have to go, I'll never see him grow..." His eyes begin tearing up and I have to admit that that's dedication. "...I'll be by your side, 'cause my love is set in stone."

The pause after that one line is building suspense inside of me because, even though I've heard this song be performed countless times, I wait with baited breath. I wait for him.

He belts the next note with so much gusto, I feel tears fall down my cheeks. His runs are perfect and he hits every right note, and as I watch his face be filled with so much emotion, I feel my heartbeat much quicker and my face heat up - his rendition of the song was the gasoline and his final 'heart of stone' was the match. It really is a shame Anne Boleyn doesn't have enough riffs as Jane Seymour; don't get me wrong, Patton is the perfect actor for the motherly queen, but Roman's voice deserved to be shown off to the world.

Prince Charming bows to his imaginary audience, grabs his crimson bag and rushes out of the auditorium, leaving me and my pounding heart.

"Shit." I cursed to myself, grabbing my hair in frustration.

* * *

That was when I realised I had fallen head over heels for him, as cliche as it sounds.

Every time I saw him, I would feel a blush creep up my neck and whenever Patton sang his song, I couldn't help but reminisce about Roman's performance. He would still make up nicknames for me, and I would still insult him back, but any excuse to talk to him, I would seize it like Newsies seize the day.

Eventually, I managed to control myself around him so it was less obvious, but when he came out as gay I nearly lost it in front of the entire drama department. Seven years have passed and my small crush on Roman never faded, instead turning me into a lovesick fool. I've never told anyone either so I carry this by myself. And it's not a matter of secrecy because I know Logan is good at keeping secrets and that Emile legally couldn't tell anyone, it's more a matter of pride. If I admitted I like Roman to anyone but myself, they would think I'm a masochist or something because no one could fully understand why. It's not like you can bottle memories and give them away, but even if I could I wouldn't - that memory is for me and me alone.

I'm dragged out of my thoughts when my phone chimes an uncommon ringtone: someone has made an art commission via Tumblr:

anon says "I love your work. could u paint a prince in a beetlejuice background? i'll pay extra to get it done by this friday and hand-delivered"

Hand-delivered? I'm an artist, not a fucking postman... although that extra cash does sound very tempting. They privately message me their address, which is only fifteen minutes from my place and I get out my art supplies. I start brainstorming - this may be more difficult than I anticipated, but maybe I can make it work.

I began sketching a prince (who may or may not be inspired by Roman when he played Cinderella's prince in Into The Woods) in Beetlejuice's iconic 'It's Showtime!' pose and go from there. About five hours after perfecting the Prince, I realize I've drawn him exactly like Roman - his warm, caramel skin, his piercing peridot eyes and even his outfit is exactly the way I remember it. A white royal shirt with gold accents and shoulder pads with a red sash across his torso, and his white trousers are tucked into his chestnut knee-high boots. Is it a little obsessive that I remember his outfit to every stitch? Maybe. It's not like I went to see him six times because everytime he sang Agony gave me little butterflies, even if it was cheesy.

The whole project takes about eleven hours, two runs to Remy's Starbucks, and a whole break just to listen to the Beetlejuice soundtrack but I finally finished it and I can confidently say that this is one of my best pieces of work.

The best part about it is Roman. God, that sounded so corny. I really am hopeless romantic, but I've been dealing with myself and this crush for seven years now so I'm used to it. Everything about him just makes sense - his first lead role was royalty, his outfit matched his eyes perfectly, and he sometimes acted like the Anne Boleyn from Six. The role that got him noticed was a prince, and he found out he was distantly royalty after he got the part.

I owe it to Roman for who I am today. Before him, I was so self-conscious about my sexuality, artwork and basically everything else due to a previous relationship - not a romantic relationship, just a toxic friend. From the start of middle school to a year before the end of high school, I had a best friend and we were so close, but sometimes his morals never aligned with mine and he did questionable things. I won't lie by saying I didn't like him a little more than friends, and when he found out he wasn't happy. But that's a long story that I don't need to think about now.

Since it's still pretty early for me, I scroll through Twitter trying to find something interesting or inspiring. A new Disney film was announced on @princeromank's feed, @PattonCakes has uploaded a picture of a cupcake in the library and-

No way! Beetlejuice is coming to Florida? My favourite musical is coming to my state? I just pray I make enough money by then to score some tickets. It's not surprising that it's my favourite since it's, and I'm quoting Roman, "edgy, gay and depressing" which I can get behind. By 1AM, all the caffeine finally wears off and I close my eyes, feeling relieved to be able to sleep.

I'm in a garden, which isn't too bad, but the hissing is starting to get on my nerves. I make a move towards it and realize it's coming from a yellow boa constrictor. It circles a golden crown until it devours it and my body turns to ice.

"Where is he? Where's Princey?" I yell as I throw a rock at the snake. Something wraps around my arms and torso, dragging me away from the crown and I try to escape the green tentacle-like tendrils but I'm just not strong enough to save him. A familiar laugh rings through my ears.

"Don't forget about me, Virgil. I'm closer than you think...!"

.

"Fuck.."

I curse myself for forgetting to get more green paint. I'm trying to recreate the garden from my dream (...nightmare) because when artist's block hits, you resort to desperate measures. However, a nourishing, bright garden requires a heavy amount of green, so I grab my wallet and keys, and head to the store.

That dream... It could just be a result of thinking about Roman too much, and nothing to worry about. But that voice - it was a familiar sound, one that I never wanted to hear. Closer than I thought? I was probably sleep deprived, and even my dreams have begun to turn on me.

While I browse all the different colours, I can't help but feel like I'm being watched but no matter how many times I look around me anxiously, there is never anyone looking in my direction. It's a fairly empty store, so I dismiss it as lack of sleep and my anxiety creeping in. I pick a nice malachite green and take it to one of the free tills.

"How much is it?" I opened my wallet and hope they take card because I've been a little low on cash recently.

"It's free of charge. That man over there-" The young cashier points towards the exit. "Has offered to pay for you."


	3. (enter SNAKE)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's like I'm falling deep into a pit of vipers. Why does he have to come back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay I'm not good at descriptions or summaries

_**Virgil** _

"It's free of charge. That man over there-" The young cashier points towards the exit. "Has offered to pay for you."

I whip my head to find this hero, but when I see him I realize he's more of a villain. The man smirks widely and saunters over, taking off his black bowler hat. I grit my teeth, and as much as my bank account is screaming at me to stop and accept the hand-out, I put a ten dollar bill on the till.

"I don't want your fucking charity, Janus."

The cashier looks between both of us confused as she gives me my change and I storm out of the store, purposely hitting Janus with my shoulder. Him being here and my dream were timed too perfectly, and I just prayed it was a coincidence.

I almost reach my car when he grabs my shoulder and spins me around to face him. He looks so different, but at the same time I recognized him as the same person who I trusted. The same person who is responsible for my trust issues, insecurities and heightened anxiety. He had a yellow contact with a narrow pupil in and even had red eyeshadow on, giving him a snake-like look. He always loved snakes, especially because he had a nasty birthmark on the right side of his face that looked like scales.

"Virgil, I am only trying to be nice. Is that how you treat an old friend?" His eyebrow raised, giving him a mischievous look and he opened his arms wide like he expected a hug. I nearly laughed in his face.

"Emphasis on old. How did you know I was here? Did you follow me?" I try to get to my car, but he blocks my way with his arms crossed. I notice his black and yellow suit along with his gloves that make him look like he just finished washing some dishes. Why so formal?

Janus feigns hurt and gasps like I've just called his mother a bitch. "I just was in the area and saw you. Can I not greet my best friend?"

That was my last button and he pushed it. It's ten in the morning and I don't have time for his bullshit. "We aren't friends. I'm shocked you even want to see me. You know... because I'm a scary gay? Isn't that what you called me the last time we spoke?" For a moment, his eyes widen like I've taken him by surprise, but I don't know what to trust anymore - after all, deceiving people is what he does best. When he composes himself, he tips his head back and laughs.

"Are you still mad at me for that? I used to not support gay rights, Virgil, but I've changed! In fact..." He pulls out his phone, scrolls to try and find something, and shows me a picture of him holding a snake. But when I squint, I realise he's wearing a rainbow tank top and there's a whole bunch of pride flags in the background - it's a picture of him at a pride parade. "I've discovered I like guys."

I stare at the phone, not sure what to say and my worst memory comes flooding back.

Valentine's Day, almost a decade ago. I had finally worked up the courage to tell my crush I had liked him for a couple of months and even bought a pack of sugar mice to give to him since he never liked chocolate. Instead of letting me down easy, he pushed me to the ground, actually spat at me and ran off. When I tried to confront him, he replied that he wasn't gay and could be friends with "someone of my kind".

Pretty homophobic, right? And now that same guy was standing here, telling me he was what he hated. I shake my head at him.

"If you're here to apologize, you better hurry or I'll call the police." I get my own phone out to threaten him, but he doesn't seem intimidated. The corner of his lip even twitches.

"You can try, but did I mention I'm a lawyer? Look, stormcloud, I'm sorry I was a piece of shit. Really. Can't we start over with a cup of coffee?" Janus moves out my way at last and I pretend to consider his offer. I shake my head no and he nods in understanding.

"Then I guess this is goodbye... For now." He holds out his hand and I shake it, eyeing him suspiciously. He slips a twenty dollar bill into my hand, but this time I take it. I get in my car and just before I slam the door, I stare directly into his eyes.

"I have better friends now. People who would accept me and who all love me. I don't need a slimy snake in my life."

I shoot him a middle finger as I drive away and feel tears stinging my eyes. I was finally feeling positive about life for once, and then that deceitful son of a bitch shows up. I don't want to have to do this alone, but I feel stuck, like I don't know who I can turn to. Patton and Logan are probably busy, Emile has clients with actual problems and Remy isn't exactly the sympathetic type.

As if on cue, Collar Full by Panic! At The Disco, my ringtone starts playing and I pull over to pick up. It's Thomas.

"'Sup Thomas?" I quickly wipe my tears because, even though he can't see me, I'm paranoid he'll know I was crying.

"Are you busy right now? I was wondering if you could come over and be in another one of my videos?" I hear another voice in the background and my curiosity gets the best of me.

"Who else is there?" I ask at the same time the second voice asks who Thomas is talking to. When he says my name, an annoyed groan comes from the other end of the line. I already know who it is. "Yeah, I'll be over in ten minutes."

I pull into the car park of Thomas' building and park next to Roman's. His red car looks cleaner than usual and he has a sticker on his rear window that reads 'Move bitch, I'm gay', and I guess that Remy got that for him. I make my way up to his apartment on the stairs since the elevator is closed and make a mental note to scorn Thomas for living near the top floors.

"The elevator just had to fucking break on my day off? I'm too tired for this." Someone on the stairs above me is loudly complaining and I roll my eyes.

"Come on, my coffee bean. It's just a few more floors..." A much softer voice soothes the angrier one and I immediately recognize it.

Of course, how could I forget they were Thomas' neighbours? "Emile? Remy?" I call, running to catch up with them. The doctor looks back at me and their face splits into a smile. They greet me with a hug (they've always been a hugger) and Remy just sips his iced coffee and nods at me instead of saying anything, which isn't unusual.

Emile pulls away. "Are you here for Thomas?"

I nod and the three of us carry on to their floor as Emile tells me that Remy got the rest of the day off and agreed to watch She-Ra with them, which is so adorable. If Patton were here, he definitely would have squealed. We depart and I knock on Thomas' door, expecting him or Joan (Thomas' close friend who helps with his videos) to answer, but I'm met with a familiar face that haunts my dreams and plagues my thoughts.

"Come in, Vice & Virgils. Thomas won't tell me what we're doing, he says we both had to hear it. In other words, he's lazy and couldn't be bothered to say it twice." Roman steps aside so I can enter and as I brush past him, I feel warmer.

My brain can't decide between being snarky and say 'don't sound so excited to see me' or be flirty and say 'you missed me, admit it' so it comprises and says:

"Don't miss me, admit you're excited."

God I wish I could just talk to him normally. I slap my hand over my eyes to hide my shame. "I meant to say hi. Just... Where's Thomas?" I try to salvage my dignity by changing the subject and luckily the prince buys it. He leads me to the main sitting room and Thomas walks out the kitchen with a box of pizza.

He offers me a slice and I note that it's pepperoni with chicken. "I got your favourite."

I take a slice and Thomas begins to explain what the video is going to be about - his viewers have requested artistic people to talk about their progress as well as tips and tricks to get noticed, so he asked his actor friend and his artist friend. I'm most likely not the best artist he knows, but I'm not complaining since he's offering to pay me. Thomas also has 3.38 million subscribers so the chances of more people buying my art will be higher.

"What is up everybody! Today I am joined by my two very talented friends-"

Roman does his iconic prince pose. "Hello, I am Roman and I am an actor in plays and musicals."

I flick my bangs out of my eyes and smile weakly at the camera. "Hey, I'm Virgil and I am an artist. I make paintings and art projects."

Thomas asks us to answer several questions Fanders have asked about the arts. "Emma asks: 'What or who inspires you to create your art?'"

I begin to answer, but realise my inspiration is in the same room as me, and this isn't exactly how I planned confessing my undying love for him. So I rack my brain as quickly as I can and think of my latest painting and just open my mouth:

"Sometimes I'll have these dreams that are too vivid and interesting that I have to express them. I also use art as a way of communicating things I go through or how I feel because words aren't always easy, you know?" I look over at the other two, almost like in approval, and they look so intrigued. But Thomas shakes it off and asks the next question.

"Okay, this one is for Roman. Cheyenne asks: 'What is your dream role and what is your most recent or current role?'"

Princey clasps his hands together excitedly. "My dream role has got to be the Beast from Beauty And The Beast. My most recent role was Jack Kelly in a local production of Newsies and I've actually received a big role in a musical that will open here in Florida in a couple of months!"

This time, Thomas and I stare in shock at Roman. "Really? That's pretty chill." I remark. We wrapped the video up and I think we did pretty well, and even whenever Prince Obnoxious and I argued, we made it playful and somewhat comedic for the sake of the viewers. Afterwards, we just hang around for a bit. I scroll through pictures of my artwork on Tumblr, feeling oddly optimistic about my career. I'm running out of space in my closet because of how many paintings I keep in there (there's also a big anxious mess in there who I like to call Virgil) and hopefully they start to sell.

Roman sits right next to me, which is strange since the couch is pretty big and empty, but I'm not complaining. "So... 'words aren't always easy'? You sound like you got a lot going on. If you ever wanna talk, you know I'm always here, right? I know we aren't exactly the closest but..."

I glance curiously at him and his face is unusually soft. "Uh... Thanks. It's just..." I exhale. I don't want to burden Roman with my problems, but he'll know something's wrong if I ignore him. "Sometimes when you can't describe how you feel and when words fail, you have to resort to another creative outlet." I purposely add the musical reference to keep him interested because I can tell he is probably getting bored. But his eyes stay on my face with interest.

"No, I get it. I can tell you have a lot on your mind most of the time and I'm just glad you have a way to relieve your stress." He smiles at me and I return a genuine one. Like he just realized what he said he begins stammering. "N-not that I watch you, it's just you're really distant sometimes."

I laugh lightly. I guess I have been distancing myself from my social life a little. We chat for a couple of hours until Thomas kicks us out so Joan and him can finish editing, which reminds me I have to finish my painting from this morning. Me and Roman don't stop talking until we get to our cars, which I remember are parked next to each other.

"I'll see you soon, Tempest." He winks at me as he gets into his car.

"See you Saturday, Kingsley." I correct him and get into my vehicle. Parting is such sweet sorrow.


	4. frustration, pain and financial drain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> virgil delivers a painting

It's been two days since Thomas' video, and it's felt like I've been on a constant high. My anxiety has been so low and my sleep schedule feels like it's returning - Roman's light chases all the negativity from my life. I even finished a new painting plus the commission I got four days ago.

I've also got a bunch of new followers on my social media, but not many sales. But I have to stay optimistic, otherwise I'll come crashing down from my emotional high and have a mental breakdown. Last time I had one, I dyed my hair purple, which I'm not complaining about since it looks amazing but I've been told that other people make much more irrational decisions. So I try to stay optimistic.

Deciding I deserve to treat myself, I drive down to the local Starbucks to get a discounted iced tea. Today must be a slow day since there aren't many customers and the barista is looking very bored, like he's about to fall asleep. I tap impatiently at the counter and wait for Remy to notice me. When he doesn't, I try clearing my throat.

"Look, it's been a long day, pal. Can you wait five more seconds?" He wipes his face under his glasses and stretches.

"Long day? It's only noon."

He drowsily glances in my direction and groans. "Oh, it's just you. What do you want?"

Shaking my head and chuckling a little, I got up the text messages between us from last week. "Remember when you said you owed me a free drink and a muffin?" I show him my phone and scan the menu to see if there's anything new.

"I also once told Emile that eating a whole tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream could cure a hangover. What's your point?" He sips his own coffee and I roll my eyes. We've been friends since we were freshmen, I knew what cards to play. I pull up Emile's contact and hover my thumb over the dial button. Remy's eyes widen and he pushes his sunglasses to the top of his head. "You wouldn't."

I raise my eyebrow and smirk in victory. Telling him what I want, I scroll through Tumblr to review any new followers or comments. But, like 90% of the time, I have no unread messages. Just the Beetlejuice painting-

"What day is it?" I lean slightly over the counter at Remy as he puts a paper straw into my cup.

"I'll be damned if I knew." He hands me my cup and a lemon muffin in a paper bag. I roll my eyes for the second time in three minutes and check my phone. Shit, it's Friday. I yell a thanks to Remy as I rush out the building. I completely forgot that I had to deliver the painting myself. What if they demand a refund for it being delayed? Technically, they asked for it to be delivered by Friday, but what if they meant on Thursday?

Luckily my apartment is on the way to my destination, so I carefully but quickly put the strange and unusual artwork into the backseat of my small car. The roads I drive seem very familiar, but I don't have time to ponder why because the only thing on my mind is avoiding an angry customer. I turn a sharp left corner and pull into the driveway of the house. It's actually pretty big, so if they're rich then why did they want one of my paintings?

Holy shit. I felt like Dory from fucking Finding Nemo - how could I not realize who lived here? I mean, it's not like I've been thinking about him for the past seven years or anything.

Shaking my head at my own stupidity, I rap my knuckles on the door in a rhythm and tap my feet to the same beat while I strain my ears, trying to hear any footsteps. The door finally opens and, despite it being the afternoon, Roman was still in his PJs with a somehow still attractive bed head. He looked exhausted, but immediately perked up upon seeing who it was.

"About time! I was worried you forgot. Come on in, My Chemically-Unbalanced Romance." He beckons for me to enter, which I do, desperately trying to cover my face. Sure, Princey always make dumb nicknames and that specific one was based on a band I liked, My Chemical Romance, but somewhere in my brain, a small voice was squealing at my crush calling me his romance. Snap out of it!

I turned the painting around so Roman could see and as soon as he did, his eyes widened and literally lit up. "I hope you don't mind that I based the prince off of you- well, your character. You know when you played the Prince that one time..." I internally cringed at my tendency to ramble, but Roman was too distracted. His jade orbs scanned the painting, taking in every detail in awe.

Finally he tore his eyes away from the incredible piece of art. "This... This is amazing! It's true art, it puts the Mona Lisa to shame!" I rub my neck subconsciously in embarrassment and shrug modestly. He continues. "I guess my address was a dead-giveaway and you knew who I was. You've truly captured my essence, Virge."

I shove my hands into my hoodie pocket and fiddle with my keyring. "It was nothing really. I should probably be heading home-"

The drama queen cuts me off. "Stay!"

I blink in confusion as he composes himself. "Seriously, I feel like we don't talk enough."

"You never want to talk to me."

"Exactly! Stay, have a few beers. Besides, aren't you curious as to why I asked for this very interesting, queer painting?"

That's something about Roman - he never went ten minutes without making a gay joke. I myself have many jokes about sexuality I would love to share, but that would lead to coming out to confessing my feelings for Roman to them all thinking-

I mentally slap myself - I need to return to planet Earth.

A few beers wouldn't hurt, and I do want to know the reasoning for the artwork. I kick off my shoes and follow him inside. I sit in my favourite spot on his L-shaped couch while he changes into some casual clothes and grabs us some Coronas. He has a nice house and it's nicely decorated. On one of his walls are pictures of him with friends and family and on another are just playbills of his own shows or shows he's seen. Theatre Nerd, I joke to myself.

He hands me my drink and I take a sip, staying quiet. This may be the first time Roman and I are alone together since we were seniors. It's... quieter than I thought. He carefully places the painting on the floor, leaning against the wall opposite us, and sits on the other side of the couch from me. Then, just to be annoying, he rested his feet on my lap and leaned back. I roll my eyes, but don't bother pushing them off.

"Remember how you said that you were going to be in a musical soon? Which one?" I gesture towards him with my bottle then take a sip. He sits up slightly and beams with pride.

"How about a game of charades?" He smirks, quoting a musical, obviously.

I roll my eyes, playing along. "Yes, lets play it." I deadpan.

He holds up two fingers. "Two words." Then he points to the second finger. "Second word."

When Princey does a drinking action, I connect the two dots and my eyes widen. "No way, you're gonna be-?" I begin but he cuts me off.

"At least let me finish!" He whines and I laugh but continue.

"Beetle? Beetle...Juice?" I make a mocking face at him. "That's pretty cool, you're playing Beetlejuice?"

"Close, but no. Virgil Tempest, you are looking at the next Adam Maitland!" Roman does a small bow and grins. God, he was so freaking cute. My crush in my favourite musical? Pinch me, I must be dreaming.

I laugh with him. "That's incredible, Princey!"

We talked for a while about the show and when it's opening. He also tells me to not tell anyone until tomorrow because that's when he wants to make the announcement - but it's not like I can go around shouting: "Hey everybody, the guy I'm in love with is in a show about death!". Roman orders us some Chinese takeout and no matter how much I offer to pay, he refuses. I guess Mrs Kingsley raised a gentleman.

We have a couple of beers, play on the prince's Nintendo Switch (he is surprisingly good at Mario Kart) and reminisce about our favourite times in college - I obviously leave out my number one moment. Finally, Roman looks me dead in the eye and says:

"Do you wanna play truth or dare?"

I freeze. I've read enough fanfictions to know how this turns out. Still, I'm curious as to where this will lead, so I nod my head. "Why not?"

"Okay, truth or dare?"

"...Dare."

One one hand, I could embarrass myself, on the other I could expose myself.

"Text Emile that Steven Universe sucks."

I cringe playfully. "Starting strong I see. Do I look like I have a death wish?" I do it anyway, and immediately get a response with lots of angry emojis and the f-word face. They're gonna hate me.

Roman picks truth, and I think of all the possibilities. Alas, I have to play it smart and not start with obvious questions. "Who is the cuter couple: Remile or Logicality?"

In our group, we have come up with ship names for the two couples - Remy and Emile are Remile, obviously, but for Logan and Patton you would have to understand our inside jokes. Logan is obviously the brains of the group, so we refer to him as the logical one and Patton always keeps us in line and has the strongest sense of morals, so we refer to him as the morality of the group and so Logicality came to be.

Instead of answering, Roman's eyes widen and he leaps off the couch and to his laptop. He beckons me to come look, and I do, both scared and intrigued.

"Have you seen Thomas' new video?" He finds the latest video from Thomas Sanders & Friends and I sit beside him, shaking my head. I haven't actually gotten around to watching it, though I fail to see how this is relevant to my question. "Well, I did. And the comment section is insane!"

He scrolls down and I see a curious word: Prinxiety. It looks foreign, maybe French? I quirk an eyebrow at him, but he just continues to scroll. Most of the comments contain the word, and the ones that don't say-

""Virgil and Roman for life"? Wait, they don't mean-"

"They all ship us! How crazy is that?" Roman leans back on his chair and I stare at the comment section. It finally clicks - my Tumblr is anxiety-with-virgil, so they must have taken Roman's title of Prince and merged it with my username which created the ship name Prinxiety.

I can't control the laugh that escapes my lips. For a moment, I let myself imagine Roman and I as a real couple, as the real Prinxiety. It could be like a Disney movie - the penniless man falls in love with the Prince. "I mean... It could be worse..."

Roman, clearly not paying attention to me, gasps loudly like he's been offended. "Look at this, Virge. Look how many people think I'm a bottom! I mean, seriously? I could top you any day-" My face burns red, and he seems to think his sentence over. "W-what I mean is I'm clearly a top in all relationships. Not specifically to you, not like I would, you know..."

I pull my hood over my head and cut him off. "Stop. Talking. For the love of Gerard Way, just stop talking."

He immediately shuts his laptop and nods furiously. A few seconds pass and we both sit there, then he looks over at me and we start giggling. Like nothing happened, we just continue playing Truth or Dare, like two teenage girls.

One question catches me off-guard. "What was the name of your first crush?"

I think for a while, even though I know who it is straight away (although, there's nothing straight about it) and debate whether I should tell him, and whether I'm ready to have a conversation I'm unprepared for. How many drinks have I had so far? I inhale and avoid eye contact. "Janus."

Roman looks crushed and for a split second I have this hope inside me that maybe... No, that's absurd. Then, to cover his tracks like a smooth criminal, he begins to cackle mockingly. "Janus? What, was she a middle-school librarian?"

That wasn't uncommon for people to compare his name to a woman's. I chuckle a little, and it may be the alcohol but the words come out before I can stop them. "No, he was more like Janis from Mean Girls, actually."

His eyes widen and I slap my hand over my mouth. He heard the 'he' loud and queer, and the panic bells in my brain ring. "I'm not sure what's more shocking, the fact that you like guys or the fact that Janus is a guy's name!" That wasn't the response I was expecting, but at this point I'll take it. I nervously rub the back of my neck.

"Please don't tell anyone I'm gay... I was kinda waiting for the right moment."

"Of course I won't, what do you take me for? To be honest, I kinda knew you were gay. That or you were ace." Roman rests a hand on my shoulder in acceptance. "You've never really shown interest in anybody, or to my knowledge."

If obliviousness was a sport, Roman could win a medal. He's so close to me, and it may be the beers but he looks like he's leaning towards me. I stand abruptly and check my watch. It's almost midnight.

"I should really be heading home, but thank you for today."

He also stands and checks his wrist. "Really? It's pretty late, and you did have two drinks. Stay the night, I know you get nervous driving in the dark."

I've already been shipped with my crush, come out to him and now he wants me to stay the night? This doesn't feel real, like I've been injected with liquid euphoria and it's messing with my brain. He does raise a valid point though, I've always hated driving in the dark and even two beers seems like too much to be driving. Believe me, anxiety and alcohol do not mix.

"It can be like the sleepovers we never had!"

I cock my eyebrow at the dramatic prince. "What are we, ten?"

He gives me his best impression of puppy-dog eyes and sticks his bottom out, and I have to admit he looked really adorable. I playfully roll my eyes. "I expect a hot breakfast in the morning served on a silver platter."

Roman's pout quickly transforms into a toothy smile, and he hugs me excitedly. I freeze, unsure of what to do.

He gives me a spare toothbrush, a t-shirt from Disney World (he purposely gave me one with Elsa on it) and a pair of shorts, and goes to prepare where I'm staying while I get ready. I wash off my makeup (yes I wear it because fuck toxic masculinity) and give myself a small pep talk.

"Look. You can do this. You have had such a good day, don't let yourself ruin this. Besides, it's not like you're going to be sleeping in the same bed as him... unfortunately."

His clothes are a little big on me, and I inhale the scent of his shirt - this may be the closest I'll ever get to sharing clothes with a boyfriend. My anxiety suddenly loosened its hold of me, and a dangerous thought enters my mind: what if I just told him I liked him?  
I shake my head and hit myself on the head. No, that's a stupid idea. There's like a 90% chance he doesn't like me that way, so why ruin my treasured friendship by making myself more awkward?

I exit the bathroom and I'm met with Roman in a Beauty and the Beast onesie. "Were you talking to yourself in there?"

Damn it. "What did you hear?" I try to keep the panic out of my tone.

Princey shrugs. "I couldn't make out words, but I could hear your voice. Why? What were you saying?" He narrows his eyes suspiciously and I rack my brain trying to come up with a believable lie.

"I was... quoting Fall Out Boy: Cut me off, I lost my track. It's not my fault, I'm a maniac" I hold my breath, hoping he buys it.

"Wow." He frowns, then smirks. "And I thought you couldn't get anymore emo. You emo nightmare."

I stare at him, suddenly nervous. "Actually Roman, I need to tell you something." His bottle-green eyes soften and he gives me an encouraging look. I take a deep breath. "I... I wanted to tell you that I-"

"You...?" He looks like he has hope in his eyes, but I'm probably imagining it.

"I... really appreciate you letting me stay the night." I internally face-palm - so close, but alas maybe now wasn't the best time.

His shoulders sag. "Oh. Uh, no problem I guess. Anyway, I should show you where you're staying."

Roman gestures for me to follow him into one of the open doors, and when I do I'm taken by surprise - one wall is covered in musical, movie and TV show posters and on the opposite side is a large, golden and cream-coloured king-sized bed with scarlet canopy to match his aesthetic.

"Isn't this your room?" I ask, noticing the large letters on the wall that spell his name glowing brightly. I look over at him with concern etched on my face, and he just nods like it's a big deal. Grabbing his shoulders, I glare into his eyes to get my point across. "Roman. We're adults."

The slightly-childish Prince shrugs with a nonchalant expression on his too-handsome-for-his-own-good face. "No homo." I chuckle and he smiles a little. "Come on. It'll be like the sleepover we never had. Truth be told, I've always wanted to stay the night with you as a teenager. It's just a shame I didn't know you in high school."

I narrow my eyes. "You wanted to have a sleepover with me? You once called me 'Panic! At The Everywhere'."

"I wanted you to turn me into a vampire too." He bats his eyelashes as me innocently and I snicker. "What? I wanna sparkle in the sunlight!"

We both laugh and make our way to the bed, and I notice he's set up a bunch of blankets on the floor beside it. Roman nods his head in the same direction. "You want the bed or the floor?" I take the bed and he whines, but I roll my eyes.

"Hey, you asked, I answered." I throw myself onto the large bed, and moan at how soft it is. Getting myself comfortable, I watch an angry Roman try to do the same. He glares up at me and I throw a mocking smirk his way.

I lie down and close my eyes, hoping to savour today and its events. I hear Roman swear and am about to tell him we can swap when I feel the bed sink slightly. Opening my black eyes, I see Roman perched on the edge of the bed and groan. "Really?"

I playfully push him off, but he grabs the front of my shirt and before either of us know it, we're both on the floor. Well, he's on the floor - I'm on top of him and facing him. I snort and scramble off of him, feeling my face burning.

"Are you okay?" He holds my arm and rubs his own back.

I stand and extend a hand, helping him up. "Yeah I had a soft landing." I joke, which results in him shoving me. I crawl back onto the bed and move to one side because I just know he's not going to sleep on the floor like a peasant. Poor Princey.

He lies down next to me and I try my best to keep away from him. It's not that I'm thrilled to be lying next to the man I've been in love with for the past seven years (get your mind out of the gutter, you dirty pig), it's just that I don't want to be weird about it. Neither of us talk for a while and I'm sure he's fallen asleep.

Then, beside me, I can feel him turn to face me and I silently thank the Gods that he can't see me blushing in the dark. "Virgil?" I hum in response. "Will you sing a lullaby?"

I force out a 'ha'. "I don't sing. Besides, aren't you the thespian here?"

"I wanna hear you sing. It can be a really edgy emo song if you'd like." His pleading tone sounds exhausted... He probably won't remember this in the morning. So I open my mouth and sing the closest thing to a lullaby I can think of: Sally's Song from The Nightmare Before Christmas.

I can feel him snuggling close to me and I freeze, praying that he can't feel the heat coming off from my face. "Keep going." He whispers drowsily and I obey.

"And will we ever end up together?" I hear him snoring softly and an amused look takes over my face, satisfied. I lean my head against his, and let myself fall asleep curled up next to him.


	5. don't be bitter because I'm fitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> virgil thinks about how he and Roman met

"Virgil..." A voice purrs. "Virgil!"

I look around - I'm back in the garden. I'm holding the golden crown, which is comforting. But the snake is there too. I clutch the crown to my chest possessively.

"I won't let you hurt him, you slimy boy."

The tentacles come back and wrap around my ankles, but I fight them.

The malicious laugh returns and I shudder. "My, Virgil. Look what you've done!"

My hands feel wet and when I look down the crown is covered in blood. I drop it in shock and yell in fear.

The screaming is really loud.

I bolt up, grabbing my hair with tears forming in my eyes. Why did that nightmare feel so real? And why aren't I in my own room-?

"Virgil, what's wrong?" Roman wraps his arm around my shoulders and I jump. "Hey, hey, look at me. It's okay, it was just a dream. You're safe."

I let the tears fall and he takes me in his arms, cradling me. When my vision finally clears and I snap out of my daze, I stare at Princey, inspecting him and convince myself he is unharmed. "I... I'm sorry if I woke you up..."

He laughs lightly. "You didn't, don't worry."

I take a deep breath and let the memories of yesterday flood back - the fall, the singing, the falling asleep next to him - and I just hope he doesn't because despite me currently crying in his arms, I have a reputation. I pull away and stand up, trying to compose myself and I notice I'm still in his clothes. Maybe under better circumstances, I would have savoured the moment.

"Do you have the time?" I ask, scanning the room for my phone, but I must have left it downstairs.

He checks his phone on the bedside table. "Almost nine."

My eyes widen and I curse. "It's Saturday, isn't it?"

"Yeah, why?" Roman's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, then his face completely changes when he realizes. "Oh shit, it is, isn't it."

I grab my clothes and get changed in the bathroom. Then I hurry down the stairs, making sure I grab everything (shoes - check. Keys - check. Wallet - check) and Roman appears beside me.

"So you're not staying for that hot breakfast on a silver platter?" He says jokingly, and I grin. He throws me a packet of Pop-Tarts as compensation, and I nod in thanks. "This was fun, even if we didn't manage to summon a demon."

I chuckle at his comment. "Yeah, next time I'll bring my Ouija board."

His eyes light up and he hugs me quickly. Bidding the drama king adieu, I make my way to my car and drive home as quick as I can. My phone is almost dead, but I have enough juice to play a few songs on Bluetooth. When The Day Met The Night by Panic! At The Disco is the first to play and I sing along, reminiscing about how me and Roman, my sun, met.

========

Remy came back late at night and was unusually quiet. He had just come back from meeting with the other theatre nerds at some cafe, but I didn't want to go - social gatherings aren't exactly my thing.

"How was it?" I ask, slipping my headphones off and pausing my documentary on serial killers.

My sleepy roommate glares at me and sits on my bed. "It sucked balls, V. That dumb Picani was there and he was so annoying!" He rolls his eyes so hard, I'm scared they're going to roll right off of his face.

"Why? What did he do?" Emile? He was one of the nicest people, second to only Patton. I've only spoken to him a few times, but he's always been so caring and considerate. I mean, if Remy was going to complain about anyone being annoying, I thought it would have been that asshole Roman.

"He's just too... Nice. He kept sitting close to me and trying to talk to me and at one point, he said my glasses were adorable!" He raised his arms in disbelief and flopped onto his own bed. I'm no expert in the love department, but if I didn't know any better I would say that the psychology student was flirting.

I raise my eyebrow. "Oh yeah, he sounds terrible! How dare he flirt with you?" I add extra sarcasm to get my point across, and his head shoots up with a scared face.

"F-flirt? He wasn't flirting, he was..." He trailed off, struggling to come up with an excuse. Laughing in victory, I throw a pillow at him. "Shut up! He's such a nerd, it's not like I'd like him."

He throws the pillow back at me, grumbling about something like ties and being adorable. I shake my head at my impossible friend - he may be a stone-cold bitch sometimes but I can tell he has a soft spot. That sounded wrong but whatever.

"Hey, do you wanna come with us tomorrow?" He asks after he finishes his sulking. I narrow my eyes at him, giving him a questioning look. "I mean, you are in the play..."

Continuing to stare nonchalantly at the lazy man, I give him a look to tell him to elaborate. He sighs in defeat.

"I need a wingman so I don't screw it up with Emile."

I yell a "Ha!" at him and he turns his back to me in a huff.

The next day, I follow Remy into the cafeteria, but instead of sitting in our normal spot he drags me to the drama nerd table. I try to remember the names of everyone there - Thomas, Patton, Logan, some kid I've never seen called George, that egocentric Roman and obviously Emile. They all greet Remy, who sits opposite Picani.

Patton pushes his round-rimmed glasses up his freckled nose. "New member? Nice to meet you!" He holds out his hand and I timidly shake it, drawing the attention of everyone else. "You got a name?"

"Patton, that's an obvious question. Of course he has a name, everyone does. I'm Logan." Next to the bubbly boy is a student who looks more like a teacher with his black polo and navy tie.

I nod in acknowledgement. "No, I know. You're the tech-whiz, like me. None of you notice me because I'm mostly behind the scenes."

Roman strikes a dramatic pose. "That's a shame, you're missing my incredible performances."

It takes every nerve in my body to not roll my eyes. This guy loves himself so much, I wonder if he took all of my own self-confidence. "What a pity." I slap my hand over my mouth, knowing the others are going to hate me for insulting the king of the group.

Instead, they all laugh and go back to their conversations. Roman glares at me with fire in his eyes and I grin mockingly. I feel like this is the start of a long series of battles.

Two days later, we all met at the cafe down the street. Remy goes over the plan with me for the fifth time. "Okay, you need to be like 'Oh hey Emile, I've heard that Remy, that sexy guy, is really great in bed', got it?"

"Do you take constructive criticism?"

"No."

I continue anyway. "Why can't you just ask him on a date?"

He scoffs and mimics the Spongebob Mock meme, adding the voice. "Why can't I just ask him on a date? No offense, Virgin, but when was the last time you were on a date?"

I narrow my eyes at him. "Emile seems like a nice guy, maybe you should just wing it."

We sit down with the rest of the group and Roman is dramatically telling the story of how he beat up his brother's bullies. I play on my phone for a while to distract myself, but his annoying voice is all I can hear. Seriously, does this guy talk about anything besides himself? I'm going to lose my mind.

"You know who you'd be perfect for?" I cut him off. "Alana Beck from Dear Evan Hansen. I mean, you never stop talking and always make it about you - you were practically born for it!" My voice drips with sarcasm and he throws a crumpled napkin at me.

A couple of the others laugh, which only infuriates the entitled theatre nerd more. "From the makers of The Wizard Of Oz, introducing Emo and Edgy and Blue, Oh My!" He quips back and I slowly clap. We continue bickering and the others watch us, clearly entertained.

Patton interrupts us. "We should all do a movie night! We can wear onesies, eat junk food and bond over Disney!" Others make noises of agreement and Roman's eyes light up at the word 'Disney'. "How about you, Kiddo? You in?"

I wince at the nickname. "We're the same age." I state, but he seems unfazed. I sigh. "Yeah, I guess I'll go."

Thomas finally speaks up. "Hey, you know what? There should be a gay Disney prince. Every prince in the past is just straight vanilla, like, come on Disney, let's add some rainbow sprinkles!" He says flamboyantly and we all nod in agreement.

"You know who would play the most perfect Disney prince?" Roman says, and Thomas turns red and shakes his head like he's accepting a Tony but he's too modest. He clearly thinks Roman is complimenting him, but the arrogant asshole finishes. "Me! I've got the voice-" He does a little riff. "I'm incredibly charming and the most attractive out of all of you dorks!"

We all groan in annoyance and Remy flips him off. "Personally, I think you're a close third, right after Emile then me."

I mouth the word "Smooth" at him and he sips his coffee, pleased with himself as Emile blushes. Logan also interviens.

"Usually, I prefer to be modest so as to not come off as over-confident, like yourself, however I would like to argue that I have a classically handsome face." Logan adjusts his glasses then nods over at Patton. "And many people agree that Patton is somewhat adorable."

Patton giggles, but Roman isn't having it. "Yeah, well you three have glasses. You know, like nerds!"

Although he usually gets on nerves and is being self-centred, I can't stop the laugh that escapes my throat. Immediately, his head snaps in my direction with a fierce look. "What are you laughing, Hot Topic?"

I cock my head. "Aw, you think I'm hot." The look on Roman's face is priceless - if I had one wish, it would be to go back in time and capture his face. We argue for the rest of the night until we all go our separate ways.

Remy sips his coffee loudly when we get to the dorm room, and I remember the reason I went out tonight.

"I'm sorry I didn't get to be your wingman." I frown and fall onto my bed.

Instead of being mad, he just chuckles. "Oh there was plenty of flirting tonight."

I nod. "So did you get a date with Emile?"

"No, I was talking about you and Roman. There was so much sexual tension, it was suffocating!" Remy cackles and I feel my face burn up.

I sit upright and glare angrily at my roommate. "R-Roman? We weren't flirting, I can't even stand that guy!"

Remy tips his sunglasses down so I could see his eyes narrow at me with suspicion. I roll my eyes at him and turn my back on him.

Imagine flirting with that royal-pain-in-the-ass, I think to myself before I fall asleep.

For the next two months, Roman and I were enemies in a childish war, always at each other's throats and always fighting. Once, we had a two-day prank war - he filled my bag with shaving cream after I told him Kristen Chenoweth had been murdered, then I told everyone in his drama class that he was dating Logan so he retaliated by replacing my shampoo with neon green hair dye. Patton made us apologize, so that got shut down pretty quickly.

I had so many cruel nicknames and insults to use against the drama queen, but half of them were thrown out the window when the Heart Of Stone incident happened. Suddenly, I saw him in a different light and my insults upgraded to subtle flirting, just like Remy had taught me. Occasionally, Remy and Emile would ditch our post-rehearsals meetings which was fine for a while until Patton and Logan began going out too. George sometimes left us to study for his tests and practice lines (which paid off, he's a huge star now) so it would just be Thomas, Roman and I. I often think about how awful that must have been for Thomathy to have to sit all night through our arguing.

We also had movie nights every two weeks and since it was required to wear a onesie, I always wore my Skellington one which would prompt Roman to call me Jack Smellington. When I think about it, some of my best memories are on movie nights - Remy had snuck us some vodka (when we were all of age because Patton refused to let us drink underage) one night and some of us got drunk, including Roman and I. That night was a blur, but somehow we woke up in each other's onesies. Me in a Buzz Lightyear onesie was the highlight of everyone's year.

I still remember the day Roman came out to us. It was actually to the rest of the drama department, even though we all knew. He got up onto the stage to give us a 'special performance' and Remy thought he had decided to take up a career in stripping. Instead, he blasted Diana Ross' I'm Coming Out on a loud speaker and danced to his own choreography, ending with him jumping off a table into the splits and yelling "I'm gay!". I was so close to going into cardiac arrest, I had to leave because hearing that your crush likes boys is kind of a big deal. And he did it in such a Roman way.

========

I shake myself back to the present. I park in my buildings car park and jog to my apartment, thanking my past self for buying one on the second floor. Quickly showering, I change into something clean and settle for black, ripped jeans and a purple hoodie with the Cheshire Cat printed on it - if I wear anything Disney then Roman notices me more.

Driving myself to Patton Cakes, I feel a mix of anxiety (no surprise there) and giddy - on one hand, I left Princey's house awkwardly and he might hate me for being an ungrateful guest, but on the other hand... I spent the night with Roman and everytime that thought crosses my mind, a small smile played on my face.

My anxiousness eased up and I even found myself singing along to the music in my car. Speaking truthfully, I did enjoy singing and music and often wished I was in a few plays in college, it's just that I never had any confidence. I remember singing in front of Janus, claiming I was gonna join our high school's production of The Addams Family, and him completely destroying me.

"We get it, you're going through an emo phase. But do you really want to embarrass yourself? Look, I'm your best friend so I'm gonna be honest with you, you aren't that great at singing, and I've seen your acting too. Maybe you can still be backstage?"

Now, I can finally move past his negitivity and feel more confident about myself, though the scars don't always heal. I'm actually a great actor - I've been acting straight and mentally stable for the past ten years. His toxic comments don't get to me anymore, and I find it ridiculous that I fell for someone who basically bullied me and only cared about themselves.

Okay, maybe Roman and Janus are more alike than I thought. However, the difference between the two is that Roman knows when to quit, he actually cares for me (at   
least I really hope) and he would never discourage my dreams.

Maybe I don't have a shot with Princey, but at least he makes me happy and better about myself. I smile to myself and I pull into the parking lot of Patton Cakes, glad that the deceitful snake can't affect me while I still have Roman.


	6. on the subject of stormclouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> virgil goes to the library

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah I suck a descriptions. If you are reading this, thank you for coming this far. I unfortunately have lost interest in this story and decided to discontinue it. I may pick it back up in the future, but most likely not. Feel free to continue writing it yourself if you'd like but please ask first and credit me.

Sometimes I think I'm living in a fake reality, like in The Matrix because here I sit in the same cafe I have every Saturday for the past six years wondering if that's my entire future. I got here pretty early and I didn't want to just sit in my car looking like a loner. Instead I just sit at our usual table and watch the other patrons go about their lives in the least creepy, Remus-like way possible.

Remy and Emile show up next and they greet me - Remy obviously goes to order a latte first so Emile and I just geek out about the season finale of a cartoon we both like. I've never been too big on cartoons unlike the therapist, but that particular show has a good message and excellent representation of the LGBTQ+ community.

Sitting down in his usual space, Logan adjusts his tie. "Good morning, friends. Congratulations, Virgil, you did a good job in Thomas's video-" He began as someone else walks in. "Ah, speaking of the figurative devil, salutations Thomas. Your latest video was quite inspiring."

Thomas nods and beams with pride, thanking the nerdy man. Patton goes to close the cafe, then realizes we're missing two and looks anxiously out the windows to try and find them. He turns to ask one of us something, but when he does a crimson blur swerves into the car park and as soon as it stops two men run out of it. The Dumbass Twins, as I like to call them, have finally arrived.

"See, we aren't even that late!" Remus bursts through the door with a panting Roman behind him. "I don't know what you were so mad about."

The other brother sat down and took a sip of my water. "Damn, I really should start working out again." This causes a laugh from me and he notices that I'm beside him. "Virgil? Is it really you? Long time, no see, am I right. How long has it been?" He gasps dramatically.

I roll my eyes. "Not long enough. You owe me a drink." Nodding towards my water, I also take a sip. He winks in response.

"Are you asking me out?" He rests his chin on his arm and gives me a flirtatious look, but I just give him a friendly shove. If only it were that easy, Sir Sings-A-Lot.

The rest of the group dive into conversations, mostly about Thomas' new video. Roman has a small smirk on his face, which isn't unusual - he's most likely thinking about how amazing he was. No one else has brought up the comment section yet though, which I'm grateful for because that isn't really a discussion I'm ready to have with everyone else.

Thomas suddenly turns to the prince. "I've been dying to know what musical you're gonna be in, Romano!" 

This gets everyone else's attention and they all give him curious looks. Everyone, apart from me and I smirk, feeling like an omniscient being. Roman pretends to be modest and shrugs, then stands up and extends his arms.

"Gentleman... And Emile... I am proud to announce that I am the newest Adam Maitland in Florida's Beetlejuice!" He bows, like he did in his apartment in front of me and winks in my direction. Patton begins to clap and goes on about how he's proud of his son, even though he's one of the youngest in the group.

Roman continues to brag about his new role and occasionally looks over at me, but I assume it's because I was the first to know. At one point, Emile points out that if they're still looking for someone to play Betelguese, they could just use Remus, which got a laugh out of all of us.

"You're one to laugh, Lydia." Remy gestures towards me using his cup and the ice shakes inside. I stick my tongue out at him and even Logan chuckles.

"That is a very amusing comparison. Apart from the fact that he is a male, his mother is not deceased, and he-"

"Logan, buddy, don't kill the vibe." I could tell Remy was rolling his eyes, even if they were hidden behind his sunglasses. Logan in turn nodded in acknowledgment and wisely closed his mouth.

We mostly compare each other to Beetlejuice or other musical characters - naturally, I get compared to the antagonist or the darker characters. We're all really excited for Roman too, but I can't help but find the irony of the most flamboyant, unique thespian play the most boring, stereotypical straight man Broadway has to offer.

Remus seems really distant and quiet today, which is unusual because he's basically acting like me. 

"Hey Dukey, what's up?" I kick his leg to grab his attention. "You haven't said anything inappropriate in the past ten minutes."

Laughing a little, he looks around. "It's just... I don't know, I guess I feel a little alienated. Do you think I could invite a friend next week? I brag about the group to him a lot and he really wants to meet you guys."

At this, Patton's eyes lit up. "Really? Aw, of course he can come, kiddo!"

I fiddle with my bracelet. I like our group the way it is, why does it have to change? Remus is too much on his own, so having one of his friends too? I'm not sure I have the sanity to deal with that. As if reading my thoughts, Remus speaks up again.

"It won't be a regular thing, he can just come next week. He won't have to stay."

Emile smiles too. "Well, that depends on how much we like him."

So... Everyone is just okay with this? I get that change is unavoidable, but some things deserve to stay the same. Like the famILY. I subtly look around to see if anyone is about to disagree, but even Remy seems on-board, which means I'm alone as usual.

The hour is almost over and I help Patton with the dishes again. I guess you could say that it's a routine we've adopted - it's not like anyone actually tries to talk to me, so to make up for cursing them with my presence the least I can do is try and help out. Roman's showing some people something on his phone and they all look impressed and complimenting it and I have to assume it's just another picture collage of him.

Thomas beckons me over to look, so I do. It's... my painting? "Virgil, you made this? It's incredible!"

I burn red. I'm not used to getting kudos so my brain sort of dies. "Uh... Yeah. It's nothing, really." I bite at my thumb nail a little, a habit for when I feel antsy.

"Nothing? It's getting so many likes on my Instagram and comments asking what your commission rates are!" Roman shows me his phone and I feel like my eyes are gonna pop right out of my head. I grab my phone from my pocket - I haven't checked it since yesterday and I scroll through my Tumblr: twenty new followers, seven new comments and two new commissions!

My surprise must have been evident on my usually sour face. "Thomas, Roman... Thank you for getting me attention." I threw my arms around the two, and believe me when I say I'm not a hugger. They return the gesture and I hold Roman for a second longer than Thomas, but it's not like any of them will notice.

Everyone else praises me as we clear out into the parking lot. Normally I don't do well being complimented, but a sense of pride overcomes me as I finally get recognized for what I am best at. Well, besides pining after a school-boy crush.

I probably should get home to finish those commissions, but I feel like I deserve to treat myself to some leisure time so when everyone else leaves, I go back inside and go to Logan's bookshop.

Truth be told, I've never actually bought a book from here but since I'm here I may as well find something. I scan the shelves, trying to find what I need. Recently, I've gotten into a new musical that surrounds Greek mythology (Roman bragged about it so much I decided to check it out) and it's surprisingly pretty intriguing.

This place is actually a lot bigger than I thought, which means I have to walk around looking like an idiot until I find what I'm looking for. It would probably be so much easier if I just asked Logan-

"You look lost. First time in a bookstore?" The very nerd I was just thinking about taps my shoulder to get my attention, causing me to jump. "My apologies, I didn't mean to startle you. What can I help you with?"

I rest my hand on my chest and feel my heart beating slightly quicker. It wasn't that he scared me, I was just too distracted in my thoughts and his appearance caught me off-guard. "I was just looking for books on Greek mythology."

He nodded and gestured for me to follow him to where the non-fiction books were kept. There were so many to choose from and I scanned the titles looking for something interesting. I settled for a simple guide to the Gods and Goddess, then considered just rereading the Percy Jackson books. Logan and I began to head to the cash register.

"Do you like Roman?" 

The question was asked so offhandedly and yet it sent every alarm bell in my head to sound. I stammered, trying desperately trying to form a good excuse, but I knew there would be no getting past Logan. It's one of the reasons Emile and him got along so well - they both could pick you apart and examine your whole personality from interacting with you for just ten minutes.

I hang my head and avoid eye contact. "I... I'm not gonna deny it because I know I can't hide anything from you. Just... Please don't tell anyone else, it's kind of embarrassing."

"I don't see why. After all, I do too." He shrugs and it takes me a few seconds to register what he said.

"You like Roman?" My eyebrows knit together and he nods. "But what about Patton?"

He gives me a confused look. "What about Patton? He's never been too keen on mythology, he prefers those cheesy rom-coms or-"

"M-mythology?" I mentally face-palm at my stupidity. Honestly, I can be so stupid at times. "Right, no, that's definitely what I meant." I say hurriedly before he too can connect the dots. Patton and Logan have been together for six years and no one is as loyal as our smart-ass nerd. He doesn't wear his emotions on his sleeve and at times it's even difficult to tell if he feels anything other than annoyed, but anyone can tell that he loves Patton more than anything else. Crofter's included.

His confused look morphs into an obvious one. "Of course. You didn't think I meant our friend, did you? You know very well I have no interest in engaging in an affair while maintaining my perfectly stable relationship with my boyfriend." He gives me these suspicious side-eye glances and for a split-second, I think I see a flash of amusement in his navy-blue eyes. "Were you implying that you have a romantic attraction towards Roman Kingsley?"

"Falsehood?" I mimic his catchphrase with uncertainty evident in my tone, and he winks at me underneath his Warby Parkers. I groan, knowing there's no fooling him.

"Don't worry, Virgil, I won't tell anyone. Though, I hardly need to." He continues walking as if he just said the most casual thing.

I grab his shoulder, forcing him to face me. "What do you mean 'you hardly need to'? Does... Does everyone else know?" Panic seeps into my voice. Am I really that obvious, when I thought I was being stealthy for seven years? Another dangerous thought clouds my mind: does Roman know how I feel?

Logan takes the books from my hands and I'm forced back to reality. If I continued thinking about that, I would most likely have an anxiety attack. "Well, we all have little theories. Emile thinks you two are secretly dating, while Remy thinks you two are sleeping together in a friends-with-benefits relationship."

My face burns a deep red at that last sentence. "We aren't. Dating or... the other thing." I confirm, darkly wishing I was lying. He scans my books and places them in a neat pile beside him. I fish for my wallet in my pocket, but he stops me and shakes his head.

"If you're free today, Patton could use some extra help today as it is usually busy." He hands me the books and I nod. This wasn't uncommon - it was no secret about my financial issues, so the group would try and help when possible like letting me work at Patton Cakes, paying me to be in YouTube videos or even one time when I got a free seat to watch a local play.

Truth be told, I hated that they did that. It made me feel pitied and weak, but when your job doesn't put food on the table you can't complain. "Let me ask my boss first. Virgil?" I turn to the left, as if I was talking to a third party. "You're free all day!" I turn right to respond, then turn back to a slightly confused but humoured Logan. "Yep, we're good."

Putting my new books in my car, I weave through the line for Patton Cakes and join the owner behind the counter. The normally bubbly man sighs with relief upon seeing me, something that rarely happens.

"Thank goodness you're here, Kiddo. Your uniform should be hanging in the kitchen like usual, do you think you could do drinks today?" He wipes his face underneath his round-rimmed glasses, looking tired despite the cafe only opening ten minutes ago.

I nod and go through the staff-only door. Why they didn't hire more workers was beyond me, but then again it meant more pay for me. The uniform that I had to wear wasn't too bad like other cafes - I was allowed to wear either a light grey or black polo with black jeans underneath a baby-blue apron. My favourite part was that Patton had sewn a little stormcloud onto the breast pocket right above my name tag, which was really cute. 

Tempest - a violent storm, also the name of a play by William Shakespeare. I've been told my name is very fitting because storms, or more accurately storm clouds, are what people like to associate me with. I've been told I act like the embodiment of a dark and stormy night because of my usually pessimistic demeanor, and I have a habit of raining on people's parades. Sometimes, when I list all the reasons I feel like I'm a burden to the rest of the group and you would think I would grow to hate the symbol, but at the same time I love it. 

Janus was the first person to compare me to a stormcloud, even if it was done in a non-friendly way but he was my closest and only friend so I wore it with pride. Literally. I would draw them on my skin and my books and even wore clothes with cloud-like patterns. The stormy artwork continued into college and that's when everyone else would also call me a stormcloud.

However, Patton would say that, yes they can dampen the mood, but only for boring people who want a reason to be moody. Rain helps plants to grow, he says, and that rain is a necessary part in the cycle that is life. Whenever there is a thunderstorm, it's a perfect excuse to protect loved ones and seek comfort. He would list all the pleasant metaphors and the stormcloud symbol no longer felt like a hateful label on me. 

I smile at my reflection in the bathroom where I changed and go to help poor Patton.


End file.
